Struggling to find the “write” words

Struggling to find the “write” words 1361719273 480x360
A State of Trance

Writing doesn’t come easily to me. I’ve struggled with it since I was a child. Something happens when I try to convert the thoughts in my head to words on a page. I’m struggling with it now even as I type this post. The thoughts are clear — at least I think they are — but I can’t find the right words to convey what I’m thinking. In high-school, I dreaded writing assignments. I would struggle to get started. I would sit there shaking my head. Sometimes I cried. My mom would always try to help. She would ask me to tell her what I wanted to say and she writes one or two sentences to help me get started. I could finish the assignment on my own after that.

I think that’s one of the reasons I blog. It’s therapy from the wounded child in me who got too many C’s — and sent off to the dunce corner — for his writing. It’s my childish way of saying, “I’m not stupid! I can do this!”. I think these childhood wounds, usually from failures, stay with us our whole lives. We may think we’ve overcome them but in reality, our triumphs may be fueled by our attempts to overcome these failures. So, did we really fail or just learn a lesson?

Listening to trance music helps. I’m not sure why. Right now, I’m sitting with my headphones listening to Armin van Buren and I’ve already written two blog posts. Perhaps the music blocks out the extraneous thoughts floating around my skull so my mind can focus. Or perhaps the music creates a mood — a frame of mind — that allows the words to flow. Perhaps I need to be in a trance-like state to write.

I’ve created an iTunes playlist of my favourite trance songs that seem to work best. Diplo, van Buren, ATB, Chase & Status; they’re all in here. All the music I’ve chosen makes me feel like I’ve travelled to some other place. For instance, Nova Zembla, the current track I’m listening to, always brings tears to my eyes. I find the music combined with the voice of the female singer very moving.

Whatever the reason, I think music must now become part of the writing process. The challenge for me will be to find the times when I can listen to music and write without being disturbed. For me, now, its early mornings on Saturday and Sunday. My wife and daughter sleep in on the weekend. Usually until about 10 AM. My son, Shaan, he’s an early riser like his Dad. We both get to enjoy the quiet of the morning doing whatever we want ( after breakfast ). He’s usually on his iPad playing an MMORPG. That gives me time — about three hours — to sit and catch up on my reading; but now I can also get my mind in the clouds, writing.

Bhavna’s awake. Times up.

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