As I reviewed the photos and wrote the words for this post, I could not help myself. I cried like a heartbroken teenager. So many memories of so many moments, but they all seem like they just happened yesterday.
Eighteen years ago, a nurse handed us a 7 pound 6 oz sack of flesh and wished us luck. Seriously! The only instruction received was some minimal advice to my wife on how to express organic baby formula from her breasts. Oh, I got some help with the baby seat.
So we looked at each other with a look that expressed complete and utter dread. We knew we were supposed to feed, cloth and love this thing with every fibre of our being. Any regret we had was dashed away with every breath he -- oh yeah the thing was a small male person -- took. Nature had filled our brains with s rush of hormones that made it nigh impossible to dislike the thing.
It was a cruel joke. The thing -- we decided at the hospital to name it Shaan -- refused to eat and a few weeks later we took it -- I mean Shaan -- back to the hospital. He had developed a skin colour more akin to a Star Trek alien than a human youngling. We spent 48 hours in the ICU while the doctors tuned his system.
I knew then that that would be the worst moments of my life and that if Bhavna and I could weather that, then the rest would be a piece of cake. After all, we were never really doing this alone.
He was surrounded by knights ready to protect from the dangers of life, wizards, and witches who could heal any injury with a kiss, seers who would teach you about the wonders of the universe, and jesters ready to entertain at a moment's notice.
We were given eighteen years. Eighteen years to take a lump of human flesh and turn it into a human being. We didn’t always do our best. We made mistakes.
In our trying to make him perfect, sometimes our words and action left scratches, and we hope the dents can be smoothed out over time.
Fortunately, he had an in-house advocate who was always by his side. She kept us honest. She jokes that she's his twin.
But the mistake was in the trying. You see, our son was born perfect. He was given to us fully formed. Complete. His care was given over to us for those eighteen years so we could share him with you.
Thank you all.
And so to you, my baby boy — you’ll forever be our baby — I want to thank you. Thank you for challenging me in ways more rewarding than any career; for reminding me daily about the wonders of the world; for allowing us to be vulnerable enough to put our love out into the world.
I know that you will do great things with your life.
If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he's not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open
Bhavna's family is from Vadodara, Gujarat, India. These images are from her baby brother's Grah Shanti, Pithi, and Shaadi.
Hindu weddings are my favourite type of wedding. They are colourful and noisy affairs involving the entire family. A marriage in India (or Pakistan) is considered as a union between the two families and not just the couple. It includes many rituals which span over several days, although in Western countries this may be spread out over several weeks. In comparison, I think Western weddings are boring and stuffy affairs that can seem narcissistic (hello bridezilla) and lacking in colour. In any case, in Hinduism, it is considered inauspicious to wear black or white during marriage rituals.
Performed a day or two before the wedding ceremony, the Grah Shanti is a pre-wedding ritual where a religious ceremony, a pooja, is performed to invite Lord Ganesha into the home to remove all obstacles and bring happiness and prosperity to the couple. The groom's family performs the groom's Grah Shanti while the bride's family performs her Grah Shanti. These events are performed separately. The groom's family do not attend the bride's Grah Shanti and vice versa. It is done this way to get rid of individual negative energy or doshas that either of them may possess.
Uday's Grah Shanti was held at his paternal Uncle's (Jayesh Raval) home in Delran.
In Hinduism, it is considered very important that all the gods and goddesses attend the marriage ceremony to bless the groom. The ancestors and the forefathers of the bride and groom, living or not, are also invited. A learned priest, sometimes called Maharaj, performed the pooja. As Lord Ganesha is considered to be the remover of all the obstacles, he is invoked during this ceremony. The venue was adorned with icons, flowers, and other elaborate decorations. Close friends and family were invited to bless the groom.
I'm not sure, but I believe The Navagrah (9 planets) pooja was also done to worship the nine planets of the Vedic/Hindu Astrology. As it is believed that the stars and the planets have a significant influence on Hindu lives, this pooja is performed to ensure that the Navagrah or nine planets are aligned for both the bride and the groom to live a happy life together. As the name suggests, Grah means the house and Shanti means peace. Thus Grah Shanti means the peach of the house.
After the pooja, was the Pithi ceremony which for practicality was performed the same day as the Grah Shanti. The Pithi ceremony is traditionally performed the day before the wedding. It involves rubbing a paste made of chickpea flour, turmeric, or rose water on the groom. The family takes turns in putting some of it on. Once it’s applied correctly, the groom may be bathed in rose water.
The Mehndi which is made using Henna, is a temporary tattoo that the bride, family, and friends put on their hands and some on their feet on special occasions but particularly at weddings. Kiran and Shaan both got this done.
The second set of images are from the day of the Shaadi (wedding) itself. We all got dressed and spent some time in the hotel lobby taking family portraits of each other.
In the traditional Gujarati Shaadi, the groom goes to the bride’s house on a horse, while his relatives walk and dance along, often accompanied by a musical band. The groom’s family forms a procession to carry the groom to his bride for the formal wedding ceremony. The parade would include the use of the dhol, a type of drum, to loudly mark the arrival of the groom. Upon arrival at the bride's home, the groom's party consisting of immediate family, extended family, close family friends, etc. would call to the bride's family announcing that the groom has arrived to claim his bride. In modern times, the groom's party is typically accompanied by a DJ as well as the traditional dhol player. As is tradition, the brides remain out of sight.
Once the groom reaches the bride's house, he is welcomed by the bride’s mother with an aarti - the waving of a lighted lamp before the person to be honoured. In performing the rite, the bride's mother rotates the light three times in a clockwise direction while chanting a prayer or singing a hymn. After this, the wedding then takes place according to the Hindu traditions and customs of Gujurat.
After the ceremony, we danced away at the reception. That's when I put the camera away.
Shaan always chooses Olive Garden for his birthday celebrations. He eats as many mini baguette rolls as his little stomach can hold. Today he is eight.
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