I can relate.
The loss and his continued isolation from others has left him feeling like “some sort of a golem,” he says, “a creature designed to continue to function, continue to write, create, to live — but each part slowly replaced with something artificial and mechanical until there is nothing left but engines and gears.” What you’re feeling is grief - Vox
The activities I pursued in March — like hiking and nature photography — to maintain my mental health don't work anymore, and I’m full of anxiety and lethargy. Surviving the pandemic has required a Sisyphean effort: hopeless and painful. I miss lunches and after-work pints of beer with friends. I miss photo walks with local photographers. I cry more than I used to.
I’m fortunate not to worry about basic survival, like feeding or housing myself, but still, I find myself exhausted.
Tomorrow will be no different than today.