During the time I was burnt out, I was simply that: burnt out. I was not trying to physically hurt myself. I just couldn't mentally bear diabetes management anymore. I never wanted to die and I never wished my life away. It is important to point that out because if I did feel any of those things, this would be a different story. I knew I was going to be okay one day. I really did. I just was not ready to be okay then.
I think I have diabetes burnout. I can relate to what Lauren wrote in her blog post. At my last visit the endo notes that my A1C was a 7.2. This is the first time in the nine yeas since I was diagnosed that my A1C has been over 6.5. In the last 30 days about 51% of blood glucose readings have been in the high range.
Like Lauren wrote, I just can't mentally bear diabetes management at this point. Sometimes I want to smash the CGMS against the wall. Sometime I want to remove the infusion set and not replace it.