Hello, Khürt,

I just Google™'d "hefe-weisse" to learn it was a top-fermented beer, or strictly speaking an 'ale' (http://www1.phillyburbs.com/beer/types.shtml), those lager-yeasties being the bottom-feeders of the beer world.

I, too, prefer the 'ale of the species' particularly the darker, bitter ones. (Since I can't find dark bitter ales, I opt for a black & tan as an approximation.) ANYTHING but a pilsner: my mother used to use stale lager/pilsners to set my hair as a kid, and just the smell of one makes me think of hair-set lotion! And I hate the artificial carbonation.

I never drank beer in college, and didn't for another 10 years or so when I met a man who drank dark Löwenbräu -- when it was still German-made. Once Miller started making it in the US, I stopped. That was about the time I discovered Welsh Bitter ...

Going back to this guy's characterisations, I think he has porters and stouts mixed up, giving porter higher marks than stout.

http://www1.phillyburbs.com/beer/ales.shtml

I like stouts (Guinness) but found in my single exposure to porter (also Guinness, in North Wales) I found I'd met my match. THAT was the thick, metallic stuff that would support a spoon. I was with a group of college students, about 10 years younger than I, who were game to try a new drink. We passed the one pint around the dozen of us -- several times and it was never completely consumed. (Said students were mostly european and no doubt were lager-philes.)

But the site DOES have a page for Belgians: http://www1.phillyburbs.com/beer/belgian.shtml

....

Sorry, I cannot speak to coffee, Ethiopian or otherwise. I never could develop a taste for the stuff. Probably why I never finished medical school: I feel asleep!